No, I did not disappear...

I think I'll have to give the short version of this.
1) Sunday (before last) Sick of being treated like expendable 'as-you-want-it' piece of crap by S. Leave note that I'm leaving, do not say why or where. Pack for a few days and go to work.
2) Monday. Drive to mom's apartment after work. Voice mail from S. Can't bring myself to answer/talk yet, email him where I am at least.
3) Tuesday. Pour out heart and soul on paper. Organize thoughts, feel that I'm thinking rationally for once as I would NOT have been had I tried to discuss this when first angry. Write it out, plan to leave it at apartment before work when S. is not home. Comes home while I'm there, sees me, refuses to talk to me.
4) Wednesday. The plan - go over and talk things out before I go to work. Occupy myself during day. Oil change, new CD's, watched Bowling for Columbine (in the theatre ALL BY MYSELF! Coolness...especially thankful for this when panic attack starts upon thinking about what's coming up :P) Call S. Home and willing to talk. Drive over. He's pissed. Wrote me a response. Completely missed any point I'd made, just pissed (he should have waited as I did to respond!) Decides (1) that one of us needs to move out, and (2) possibly breaks up with me (later I realize I'm not positive on that one.) Lots of screaming and crying, an earful for the neighbors! From me, because I can't believe he's doing this to me again, can't believe that he may be disappointed in what he sees as MY lack of change, yet he's the one that's still so stubborn he refuses to accept that sometimes I screw up and give me another chance (and a little pissed that my "fair and rational" note was met as anything but by him) From him, (yes, I made him cry) because as he puts it, he "knows I don't take things well" and is afraid of how his decision will hit me. Go to get dressed for work. Can't. Call in. He refuses to stay there with me. Smart move, I'm sure, since I'm SO stable at that moment! :P He leaves. Call Kim, crying incoherently. Talk to her until worn out. Sleep on couch.
5) Thursday. He stops by in a.m. before work. Yes, I'm still alive. Wake up. See him. He leaves for work. Go back to sleep because sleeping is easier than living. Wake up around noon. Can't do anything. Can't think. Can't even keep down water. Breaking down... Decide for some reason that the only person I want to be talking to then is his mom. Call. No one home. Call obsessively for hours. Finally dad answers, mom will call me back when home. He's home from work, tell him where I'm going, back to sleep until she calls back. He doesn't understand it, hell, *I* didn't understand it, just something I had to do. Talk to her. Get some insight but unfortunately she doesn't have the answer to everything. She is the one to first make me realize he said one of us had to move out, but never actually said we needed to split up permanently. Points out we still need to talk. I agree, and leave, not sure if I feel better or not, but determined to talk with him again.
(cont. later, too tired now)

picking up where I left off...

I didn't exactly leave my story on a positive note but trust me, it gets better from here!
Yeah, so I was at last Thursday.
Driving home from his parents' house on:
A) Five or so hours of sleep within the past three days, followed by like 12 hours of sleep, but it was all that depressed sleep where it takes up the time but doesn't really feel like you've slept because you wake up still upset as when you went to sleep.
and 2) A bowl of broccoli cheese soup within the past three days (from a BAG! Soup in a bag! What the hell...? but that's another story)
So I'm not even sure I'm going to make it back. But I do. And..."We need to talk." Really? Has he read my mind? No. He tells me 3 people called for me while I was gone. Kelly (did not know situation), Kim (did know situation, thought I should get out), and his mom. Apparently she brought up some of the better points of our conversation. Turns out, from the sound of it, he was mostly just hurt and acting out based on that. I DID do some hurtful things, (not on purpose though!) Like not letting him know where I was for the first day and a half. I felt terrible when I realized that, knowing how scared shitless I would have been if the situation were reversed. And then some things I did on purpose (like leaving in the first place.) I didn't want to have the same argument that went nowhere again, I felt like I had to make him notice somehow. So I left. So we talked about these things. I got him squared away on what I'd been feeling, got him to really listen to what I was saying this time. Then he admits his problem with me. Namely, eating and sleeping habits. Both of these bother and concern him a lot (probably more than they should!) His requirement? That I work at each, not turn around the next day and be perfectly normal at both (how can I be normal with sleep when I work third shift after all?), just agree to work at it. I agreed to that and he agreed to try to take my thoughts into consideration more, not close me off from all other parts of his life. As I said, I'd rather be PART of the other interests in his life, rather than ask him to cut the time he spends on other things since that's just not fair of me.
ah...but then I had to leave for work. Sucks because it's hard to get back into a deep conversation like that again.
Friday. He came home from work. A little uncomfortable. A little apprehensive. A little....excited? Perhaps. It's a little like starting over in the relationship. There's that thrill of newness, the delicious nervousness. I ask "What made you change your mind?" He says "I realized I hadn't thought things through yet...and there's something to be said when your mom calls you up and tells you you're being stupid." (And here I'd thought she wasn't on my side. Not his either. She was being VERY neutral actually)
Weekend is decent, skip to Tuesday:
Tuesday night he is possibly going over to take pictures with his band members. It's not a practice week, they just wanted some outdoor pics and it was sunny and they were all free so it seemed like a good day.
Low points: Wondering what to do with myself alone all day. After some suggestions, discovering that I am unmotivated at the things I used to love. I have no idea what to do with my life
High point: He sees what I think about this first, is even a little upset at leaving me without knowing first that I'll have anything to occupy my time. (I tried to explain though, that shouldn't cut in on his time to do other things, I just need FRIENDS!)
Anyway, I think there's a little more to this, but again, I need some frickin' SLEEP and I've gotten the gist of things down.
Main points at the moment:
-No one is moving out/going anywhere as of now.
-As far as we go, I'm just taking things day to day right now.
-This may be one of those things that brings us closer and winds up being a good thing.

Time will tell....I still hope we can get out of Mt. Pleasant though!