i'm a stubborn little bitch....
Jan. 19th, 2002 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
laurenafyup. that's me.
It's in the tone of voice. Maybe it's because my mom always yelled at me for my tone of voice no matter what I was saying, the tone was always wrong, so I'm quick to pick up on that in other people. Anyway, I was asking scott when he was free this coming week and he's like "WELL...this day I work, and this day I have practice, and this day etc. etc. etc..." And he was making it sound like if he has one thing to do that day then the entire day was out and I know that's not true because he usually either works in the morning or evening which leaves half a day open and when he has band practice then it only lasts about two hours which leaves MOST of a day open. I mean they'll practice like from 6-8 at night or 1-3 in the afternoon. Does that mean the whole day is just shot to hell because of that??? So first bitchy move is I decided if he's going to play that game then so am I.
He's like "Well I'm free on Thursday."
"Thursday I have class." Yeah, from 11-2 but he doesn't need to know that. If he's going to be an asshole then watch me be an asshole back! :P
And it also bugs me because I know his other band members bring their girlfriends and other friends to practice half the time so it's practically like their own personal party or something, but he seems to be determined to keep this 'separation of band and girlfriend.' thing going. I don't know if he thinks I don't like band members or they don't like me, or maybe he's afraid I WILL like them or what but even though he won't say so directly it's pretty obvious he doesn't want me around when they are. So I finally get "permission" to come to practice on Monday night. Even MORE irritating (because I was complaining about not seeing him) was he says "it's not like practice will take up the entire night! We'll be done by 9 I'm sure and you and I can do something AFTER." Yeah, he says this like that's not the exact point *I* was trying to make!
But even though I'm "allowed" to come I still feel like it's not because he wants me there, it's because he doesn't want me to be mad at him or to feel left out. I can still sense that in his perfect world I would NOT need to come to practice, but would not feel hurt by this either. And since he can't have it both ways apparently he decided that the lesser of the two evils was to allow me to come. Which I guess is good because it means he doesn't want me feeling like shit...But I still do since I can still sense that he doesn't want me there.
And NOW I found out that I'm only working an early shift on Tuesday. (He is as well but when he said this before I thought I was working all night on Tuesday.) So with all that lead up, here's where the bitchy part comes in and that's that I CAN'T WAIT to call him up on Monday and be like "hey! I found out I'm not working Tuesday night so we can get together then instead and that way I don't have to get in your way tonight, isn't that great?" Yup, backing him into a corner since he can't agree with me because what would that mean he's agreeing with? That I get in the way? Not smart, guy!
But I don't want to say that so he'll insist I come, I just want to get my low shot in >:) I mean I really honestly do not want to go. I enjoy practice, I like his band members, I think they're funny and fun to be around, I like listening to their music. But the truth is I'm still feeling like I'm somehow unwanted and I'm not going to be comfortable there if that's the case. I'm staying away in my best interest. Hopefully Kim will be around that night or else I'll just sit home and think about it all night. If Kim's around then we can play Final Fantasy 10 all night instead :)))
It's in the tone of voice. Maybe it's because my mom always yelled at me for my tone of voice no matter what I was saying, the tone was always wrong, so I'm quick to pick up on that in other people. Anyway, I was asking scott when he was free this coming week and he's like "WELL...this day I work, and this day I have practice, and this day etc. etc. etc..." And he was making it sound like if he has one thing to do that day then the entire day was out and I know that's not true because he usually either works in the morning or evening which leaves half a day open and when he has band practice then it only lasts about two hours which leaves MOST of a day open. I mean they'll practice like from 6-8 at night or 1-3 in the afternoon. Does that mean the whole day is just shot to hell because of that??? So first bitchy move is I decided if he's going to play that game then so am I.
He's like "Well I'm free on Thursday."
"Thursday I have class." Yeah, from 11-2 but he doesn't need to know that. If he's going to be an asshole then watch me be an asshole back! :P
And it also bugs me because I know his other band members bring their girlfriends and other friends to practice half the time so it's practically like their own personal party or something, but he seems to be determined to keep this 'separation of band and girlfriend.' thing going. I don't know if he thinks I don't like band members or they don't like me, or maybe he's afraid I WILL like them or what but even though he won't say so directly it's pretty obvious he doesn't want me around when they are. So I finally get "permission" to come to practice on Monday night. Even MORE irritating (because I was complaining about not seeing him) was he says "it's not like practice will take up the entire night! We'll be done by 9 I'm sure and you and I can do something AFTER." Yeah, he says this like that's not the exact point *I* was trying to make!
But even though I'm "allowed" to come I still feel like it's not because he wants me there, it's because he doesn't want me to be mad at him or to feel left out. I can still sense that in his perfect world I would NOT need to come to practice, but would not feel hurt by this either. And since he can't have it both ways apparently he decided that the lesser of the two evils was to allow me to come. Which I guess is good because it means he doesn't want me feeling like shit...But I still do since I can still sense that he doesn't want me there.
And NOW I found out that I'm only working an early shift on Tuesday. (He is as well but when he said this before I thought I was working all night on Tuesday.) So with all that lead up, here's where the bitchy part comes in and that's that I CAN'T WAIT to call him up on Monday and be like "hey! I found out I'm not working Tuesday night so we can get together then instead and that way I don't have to get in your way tonight, isn't that great?" Yup, backing him into a corner since he can't agree with me because what would that mean he's agreeing with? That I get in the way? Not smart, guy!
But I don't want to say that so he'll insist I come, I just want to get my low shot in >:) I mean I really honestly do not want to go. I enjoy practice, I like his band members, I think they're funny and fun to be around, I like listening to their music. But the truth is I'm still feeling like I'm somehow unwanted and I'm not going to be comfortable there if that's the case. I'm staying away in my best interest. Hopefully Kim will be around that night or else I'll just sit home and think about it all night. If Kim's around then we can play Final Fantasy 10 all night instead :)))
