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Nov. 13th, 2024 07:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
laurenafI want to get back into writing regularly but for some reason I just don't so this time I'm forcing it. At least SOMETHING. Maybe I don't because it feels too overwhelming when I think about it. Like "Now I'm writing so I need to catch up on the months (maybe years!) that I've been silent!"
For now I have a lot of things going well in my life. I love my aerial classes. I was starting to feel discouraged with aerial silks. I think it was just an unfortunate turn of events. I ended up in a class where I met all the pre-reqs and everything but it still felt like everyone else in the class was far ahead of me and getting moves and things so much faster so it was frustrating to me, the feeling of "I SHOULD be able to do this but I CAN'T." Yet I knew how fulfilling the aerial studio was in general so I made the decision....let's just try something else. There was an Intro to Horizontal class I took (covers trapeze, slings, and hoop/lyra) I really took to the hoop and so I'm continuing with that. If I really get ambitious maybe I'll try to upload some recent videos. It feels like I'm progressing at a speed that I'm happy with and feels more like the mix of tricks and realizing my body can maybe do cool things and also dance and interpretation which I'm loving.
I'm happy with where my podcast is going. We've had some really strong episodes lately that have actually been fun for me to listen back to (even though I have to listen to my own voice...which I kinda hate!)
It's hard to tell with work. I've never been sure what my boss thinks of me. He's basically my age, like 8 or 9 months younger than me I believe and he can be (I started to write 'harsh' but I'm not sure that's it) but definitely INTENSE. I feel like I came into the job thinking I was going to win him over and OF COURSE he'd like me eventually but I feel like that never happened. So sometimes I'm frustrated by that. But also I just went through a big test at work where I had to take over for our Director of Operations while she was on maternity leave (while still keeping up with my work!) and I think he saw that I did a decent job with that so....I mostly feel good about work.
My band has been great! Our first show was one of the best experiences of my life and our second one is at a cool music bar on NEW YEARS EVE! So that's a big deal. Also....there's something else related to all that I'll have to get into later (damn...I don't remember how to link friend's names like in ye olde LJ days, but vikkilynn knows what I'm talking about...) But honestly I think between talking about the show and performing and other developments that may require it's own entry. I guess this means I need to update again soon.
But anyway all that to say.........and yet I still feel kinda empty in some ways. I don't know, maybe it's just getting older, maybe it's overthinking, maybe it's nostalgia and thinking of where I thought I'd be at this point. It just feels like there should be something more. I'm just not sure what that all is yet.
This doesn't actually feel like the perfect ending to a long time coming post but my point was to actually force myself to write and say something. So here it is, imperfection and all.
For now I have a lot of things going well in my life. I love my aerial classes. I was starting to feel discouraged with aerial silks. I think it was just an unfortunate turn of events. I ended up in a class where I met all the pre-reqs and everything but it still felt like everyone else in the class was far ahead of me and getting moves and things so much faster so it was frustrating to me, the feeling of "I SHOULD be able to do this but I CAN'T." Yet I knew how fulfilling the aerial studio was in general so I made the decision....let's just try something else. There was an Intro to Horizontal class I took (covers trapeze, slings, and hoop/lyra) I really took to the hoop and so I'm continuing with that. If I really get ambitious maybe I'll try to upload some recent videos. It feels like I'm progressing at a speed that I'm happy with and feels more like the mix of tricks and realizing my body can maybe do cool things and also dance and interpretation which I'm loving.
I'm happy with where my podcast is going. We've had some really strong episodes lately that have actually been fun for me to listen back to (even though I have to listen to my own voice...which I kinda hate!)
It's hard to tell with work. I've never been sure what my boss thinks of me. He's basically my age, like 8 or 9 months younger than me I believe and he can be (I started to write 'harsh' but I'm not sure that's it) but definitely INTENSE. I feel like I came into the job thinking I was going to win him over and OF COURSE he'd like me eventually but I feel like that never happened. So sometimes I'm frustrated by that. But also I just went through a big test at work where I had to take over for our Director of Operations while she was on maternity leave (while still keeping up with my work!) and I think he saw that I did a decent job with that so....I mostly feel good about work.
My band has been great! Our first show was one of the best experiences of my life and our second one is at a cool music bar on NEW YEARS EVE! So that's a big deal. Also....there's something else related to all that I'll have to get into later (damn...I don't remember how to link friend's names like in ye olde LJ days, but vikkilynn knows what I'm talking about...) But honestly I think between talking about the show and performing and other developments that may require it's own entry. I guess this means I need to update again soon.
But anyway all that to say.........and yet I still feel kinda empty in some ways. I don't know, maybe it's just getting older, maybe it's overthinking, maybe it's nostalgia and thinking of where I thought I'd be at this point. It just feels like there should be something more. I'm just not sure what that all is yet.
This doesn't actually feel like the perfect ending to a long time coming post but my point was to actually force myself to write and say something. So here it is, imperfection and all.
