And in the beginning...

I don't know what the fascination is. I don't know what's the draw. Somewhere it seems I came across the idea that it would be "fun" to make myself miserable. I hate what I do to myself and what I force myself to become (a depressed reclusive diet-obsessed freak unable to get close to anyone or form any meaningful relationships.) But then in some odd twisted way, I also like it. My own personal 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality trait.

And I'm never sure which to embrace. I've heard that you have to hit bottom before you can truly begin to heal. And I'm still like a worm, just inching my way down, one new low at a time.

So with that said, enter if you dare. I may have already said too much, and the rest will be friends only, but I like to offer a small taste of what you're getting into with me.

and now it's time for....Insanity Beyond Reason

So first I have this killer headache, like headaches straight from hell fed-exed to me. And I'm tired. I'm thinking how nice it would be if my entire upper half were not throbbing with pain so I could sleep. Finally give in, get up, take two Migraine-stength Advil and lie back down, arm over pillow over head over other pillow (this provided me with the least amount of pain, still nearing unbearable though) So, being as how this stuff IS the OTC headache medicine of the gods, it eventually started working and within an hour? No headache, not a trace (This is why I swear by the stuff. Without it? I'd probably have resorted to rolling on the floor in pain by now.)
So yeah, no headache. But now? Now I can't sleep worth beans! Not even feeling tired. Oh. But my right leg cramped up TERRIBLY (around when my head stopped hurting :P) and the cramp didn't come back but it's still super-sore from when it did. Nothing that would keep me up though. (There are really only two types of pain I can't handle and am a big baby about: Headaches, and feeling sick to my stomach. Not stomach pains. These I find amusing in some way like most other pain in my body. I'd be joking about 'stomach demons' or something. But feeling sick? Nope, totally miserable on that one.)

Anyway, after two hours of debating it in my head, I finally forced myself to have a glass of milk hoping it helps to both relax my stupid spastic leg muscle and make me even the TINIEST bit tired. I think I'll sleep on the couch so I don't have to go back in the bedroom and inevitably wake Scott up (even though he goes right back to sleep, I still feel bad.)